“Papa, can you hear me? Papa can you see me? Papa can you find me in the night?”
How can life be so cruel that countless sons and daughters, mothers and fathers, who have cried out – who will always cry out – to their beloveds who have been unashamedly belied to by narcissistic egotistical powerheads.
“Papa, can you hear me?” Can you hear my prayers, my questions, my almost disbelief that I cannot reach out to you, cannot hold your hand, cannot feel the gentleness of your touch as you wipe my tears away? I am afraid it is a deafening vastness into which my words explode, and I ask again “Papa, can you hear me?”
“Papa, can you see me?” I can’t see you no matter where I turn, nor to whom I turn. It is not you. I feel, I see a shroud of emptiness, loneliness, unencumbered by all that surrounds me. My heart pounds. I feel it as the only movement breathing life beneath this shroud I have curtained around me. I cannot see you with me, but I ask you, “Papa, can you see me?”
“Papa, are you near me? Papa, can you find me in the night?” I feel to be lost in a night though I try to find a stream of daylight. I know it is there and I won’t give up, I won’t give in to the darkness. It is not what you would want for me. it is the day light, the radiance of the sun that you taught me always to live in, to embrace. And I will try, that is my promise to you. But still, I ask you, “Papa, are you near me? Papa, can you find me in the night?”
“Papa, can you help me not be frightened?” Your life was stolen from you, from me, and from all of us who love you. Silently you were, you are, my hope, my beacon, my guide to strength, my guide and will to live. But how do I conquer the shadows that haunt me? There is such anger fighting my need, my desire, to somehow accept – though I’m not sure I can with forgiveness – the violation, the blatant malfeasance that surrounds your death – and that of countless others. And it frightens me. So again, I ask you, “Papa, can you help me not be frightened?”
Credit: “Quoted words written by Marilyn Bergman, Alan Bergman & Michel Legrand.”